i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
