It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
