There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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