She said her name was "party"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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