We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
