just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
