theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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