You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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