she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
