he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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