All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
