His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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