Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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