We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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