Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
