I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
