i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
