Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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