Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
