..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
