6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
