Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
