things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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