Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
