hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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