I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
