I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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