I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
