I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
