when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
