Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize