Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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