is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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