its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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