i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
