You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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