My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
