He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
