brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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