oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
