There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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