She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
