There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
