So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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