well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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