don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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