thus making me awesome and them whores
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
