All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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