How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
