why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
