that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
