after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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