Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
