evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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