he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
