Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize