It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Life is so much better after having sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
