Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
